Since April of last year, I have abstained from alcohol. The halt came after taking a walk with my son and, with a bit of a hangover, I mentioned that I should take a few days off from drinking. He replied with the question of why not just giving it up all together. His tone was more of an inquiry than any kind of judgement. It seemed that he didn't care that much if I drank or not. It was an honest question of my logic of continuing to do something that made me feel bad the next day. I don't remember exactly how I answered, probably something like, "yeah, maybe I should just give it up." I had no intention at that point of going more than a few days.
But his question remained even after I resisted the urge for the rest of the weekend. What logical reason could I have for continuing to drink on a daily basis? I do not want to get into any definitions of what being an alcoholic means; living in Japan makes that a more complex thing to define, as it is socially acceptable to drink, even alone, everyday. So, putting addiction aside, why was I drinking? To help me unwind? But what does that mean? Most of what I unwound was all wound back up the next evening.
Was I drinking because of something connected to the actual taste? When I quit, I was into bourbon, but did sipping some good whiskey really give me some connection to happiness via my taste buds? Maybe the taste just became an association with the feeling. The aroma of say Maker's Mark triggered off the hundreds of other times I had drank it on my way to drunkenness. Did the ability to attach some ridiculous adjective to a certain type of alcoholic beverage make me a deeper person? Does drinking a buttery, velvety, salty, smokey, woody whiskey with a hint of peat and nutmeg make me as deep and complex as that sounds? Sure, good whiskey is preferable to bad, but mostly because it is easier to deal with the next morning. I never woke up feeling more cultured and that my world view had expanded because I had a shot of some really expensive booze. You could apply the same for wine and nihon-shu. There are loads of folks out there that think they are experiencing some culturally significant act if they let some special alcohol pass their lips. Being an aficionado of anything, I guess, can just be a hobby, but for some reason I have never been impressed with one who spouts knowledge of the characteristics of alcoholic beverages. If anything it seems a bit like someone bragging about how many books they have read or how many countries they have visited, as if such vanity will prove they are intelligent or worldly.
Was it to socialize? Perhaps. I was doing most of my drinking at home, but I did enjoy a Saturday afternoon routine of sneaking away to one of the few bars in town that opened from noon. I liked chatting, and the place had a mix of patrons, but it was the booze that kept us there. Most of us would probably bore each other if we were hanging out drinking coffee. Covid also threw a big wrench into any social aspect. Suddenly there were no more work related parties or other chances to go out to an izakaiya to get all liquored up.
So I really didn't have a good answer to why I was drinking. More importantly, I had loads of reasons not to. Booze, especially bourbon, can get expensive, and I was spending most of my monthly allowance (yes, my wife gives me an allowance) on it. I also drank a good deal of beer, which was making me chubby. And, on occasion,unwinding led to becoming a big ball of knotted up twine and I became a bit more of an asshole than I usually am. I sometimes did or said stupid stuff that I regretted the next day. Most of the time it was just silly stuff, but I certainly crossed over into being a mean drunk on occasion, especially when the so-called unwinding hit a snag halfway through the process and I had to confront some nagging stuff that the booze couldn't wash aside.
So, that is where I stand now. I have promised myself that I will go a full year. When the cherry blossoms bloom this year, I am reserving the option of rethinking this experiment, but the way I feel now, it makes sense to just stay away. By the way, I hold no judgement at all on those who do drink, and am not preaching sobriety for all. It just seem to be the most logical choice at the moment.