Since you asked

For permission to use any content from this blog

zenhammond@gmail.com

Fresh spark

 Decided to put this blog back on line after a long break. I guess I miss how dumping stuff into cyberspace can be therapeutic in some ways. 

Photo is from way down the Saigawa, where they launch the fireworks in the summer. 

Being small

With just a few days left, it is nice to reflect back on 2024 and remember it was the year that I became very comfortable with being content with what I have. No longer is there any need to be larger than anybody thinks I am. Maybe I have finally grown up.

Ok then.

Several lifetimes ago

 

Check

 

Entirely taken up by the present

Entirely taken up by the present, I could remember nothing; I had no distinct notion of myself as a person, nor had I the least idea of what had just happened to me. I did not know who I was, nor where I was; I felt neither pain, fear, nor anxiety. I watched my blood flowing as I might have watched a stream, without even thinking that the blood had anything to do with me. I felt throughout my whole being such a wonderful calm, that whenever I recall this feeling I can find nothing to compare with it in all the pleasures that stir our lives.

 -- Rousseau, Reveries of the Solitary Walker

In the shadows

 I have been a bit in the shadows and took this blog offline for a while. Not really worth getting into the reasons why, but I guess I am back for now.

Life is flowing well. I had some spare time today, so I opened up a box of old negatives and found this one. I admit that I cheated and used generative fill to remove a car (I didn't do a perfect job, hence the weird smudge in the street on the mid-right side). Maybe in the old days I was a purist, but since I haven't been in a darkroom in 10 years or so, why not get down with the digital tools.

I think I can comfortably announce that I have finally passed through the mid-life crises that I filled up this blog with for many years. I am grounded much more these days in  the present and have dropped a lot of baggage I toted around. No need for details, I'll just leave it at that.

Cleaning up

 I have been experiencing some technical issues.

Ok then.

Do the work

 Just taking a breather

Walk on

 Sometimes I decide on a photo first and try to use it as a springboard to write. I picked this one, because I like the agreement of the white umbrella and the blooming flowers down in the  bottom right. It is also a summer scene, which takes me away from this cold snowy morning. The snow from yesterday was all hard and crunchy underfoot on my way from the parking lot. The only nice thing was a wonderful crescent moon, but the cold wind hurt too much to look up at it for long, and since I broke three fingers last winter when I feel on ice, I tend to now look down a good bit when walking on winter streets.

However, staring at the photo has not drawn anything out from my troubled mind. And that is what I need this morning, something to push out the negative stuff. With the earthquake, there seems to be a strange start to the year and classes have been put online for at least this week. Not that mind (and sometime crave) solitude, but it has been about two weeks since I have been in my normal routine. I kind of miss walking into a class full of students.

I am sleeping well, though, which is usually a good barometer of my disposition, so I am not all the worried. Just trying to fight off the temptation to spend my day frustrated at things I cannot control and to get on with taking care of business. Just gotta keep walking on and blend in with the scene, like the woman in the photo.

Ok then.

2024

This tree is 600 plus years old and gets more beautiful every year.

By now you may have heard of the New Year's Day earthquake that hit Noto peninsula and also rocked Kanazawa a good bit. My heart breaks for the good folks of Wajima, but we are fine here. 

I bid you peace for 2024.

986709

Mid-winter

 In the bleak mid-winter, frosty wind made moan. Earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone.  ---Rossetti

I guess it is mid-winter and we have been lucky that so far it has not been all that viscous. Photo above was from last week, when a sudden dump of snow wrought havoc, but the next day it was already melting. By Kanazawa standards, it is looking like a mild winter.

Internally, though, I am very much like the iron and stone that Rossetti uses in The Bleak Mid-Winter poem, which Peaky Blinders's fans will recognize as the Shelby family's favorite. Back in the fall, I watched the entire series again for a second time. Like The Wire, I always get something out of rewatching Peaky Blinder clips on YouTube, so I went back and watch the whole lot.

Initially I had though of writing some kind of end-of-the-year review of my trials and tribulations, but now that I am here and typing away, I realize that in 2023, my thoughts were a bit of a scattered mess that are maybe better left untangled. As usual, I will refrain from writing about work in specific terms (Once I had a creepy experience of being contacted about my photos and then being asked about employment opportunities). In general, however,  I had a productive year, even though I am still struggling to land the plane with some publications, at least I did the work of putting something together to submit.

This year I focused a lot on trying to let go of negative thoughts. I appreciated the words of Micheal Singer a good bit and enjoyed his podcasts while taking walks. I also have been getting a lot of help from listening to new-agey music like this. I find that playing it in the background when I am working is useful to block out the negative self-doubt vibes. I am certainly not drinking the cosmic spiritual Kool aide, just experimenting with ways to clam the storm that sometimes blows inside my little head.

My hope is that spring will bring in a new groove and for now I just have to hibernate a little bit longer.

Ok then.

something that I never was.

 

I am stronger

and my hide

is thicker

and I have been

tempered by so

much

more

which I why I

will let this

one go.

I am tired of hoping

to be something

that I

never was.

Holding your

breath for

so long makes

you faint

and fall

into the hole

that you tread

by walking the

floors for so

many nights.

I am tougher than

them all

it is just that

I must hold myself

back or

the tether

will break

and I will

be lost in the

bottom

of the world.

--- Tanaka Ryuichi

Still standing

 Big dump of snow last night. I got out early this morning and walked around Kanazawa Castle like a gleeful tourist. This big pine caught my attention.

Gone so fast

Photo from last year, but pretty close to today's weather

Today was the first snow. It was more like slush down here in the city, but up the hill where the university is located, there was little bit of accumulation of grainy stuff. Feels like winter is late this year, or that it will be so mild that in no time it will be over. Unlike past winters, I am usually freezing by mid-December, but I have really yet to wear gloves outside and even wearing a scarf gets to be too warm when I am out on walks.

Trying hard to let go of things and just chill on a Sunday, but as I whined about in the last post, just too much stuff to get done in the next few months. It is hard not to go into work a little bit on the weekend. I guess some folks can work at home, but I seem to struggle when working on the MacBook at the kitchen table. I need to be seated at the helm of the mothership of the office, clacking away on my big old keyboard. I am not a gamer, but I love the sound of the gamer-keyboard that I use in the office. 

The year will be gone in two weeks or so. 2023 went by so fast it is hard to tell what kind of year it actaully was. Only thing for sure is that I am getting older...but I guess we all are.

Ok then.

 

Back in the day

 I have posted this image in the past, but this is an improved version, scanned from the 35mm negative. A lot of the old things I posted were done on a simple flatbed and not nearly as sharp.

The woman is a geisha (or geigi, as they say in Kanazawa) and she was entering the Nishi-chayagai headquarters, where rehearsals take place. I was lucky to have her just walk into my frame, and the lines from the buildings really make a nice composition. It is a bit of a trite touristy kind of theme (all she needs is a paper umbrella), but still it has a good vibe.

The scene was part of my regular walking route, back when I lived in the Teramachi section of town. I used to walk a big loop and I got to know the good places to wait a while. I have yet to tread a new route, but then again, I have busy, plus last summer was just too hot to leave the house.

Smooth sailing

Life is good. Just saying.

 

More birds in flight

 Many years ago, on my first trip to Italy, a photographer, Allen Mathews, shared with me a rule that he had (or maybe someone he knew had) which was to always photography flying birds if you have a chance. So, more birds in flight have been discovered in my morgue of negatives. This one from the main bridge going into downtown Kanazawa, the Saigawa-ohashi.

It is nice to think of snow and cold in the photo as it is now hot and humid. It has been the hottest summer on record in Japan and I can't wait for fall. I really want to wear jeans and a sweater again and not be drenched in sweat from drinking the morning coffee.

Back to the grind today. It has been a decent Monday. I stayed focused and even though I didn't really kick out anything brilliant, at least i am writing and getting my word count up for a paper that I would love to have tidied up by the end of the month. Lots of possible distractions coming down the pike, but at least for today, I didn't fret and just got on with it. I feel like it could be a good week if I can ride this flow.

Ok then.

Above the fray

 Just trying to stay above the fray and tangle that life sometimes becomes. That's all.

A kettle of thoughts

 

A few months back, my uncle has pointed out to me that kettle is the term for birds flying together in a circle motion. This reminded me of a photo I have always liked that I took from a bridge in Kyoto looking down into the Kamo river. This kettle of gulls was zeroed in on something and when they swooped down I got a nice contrast with the river.

Echoing my sentiment of late, once again I feel like I am a bit of a kettle of thoughts today. Lots of ideas swilling around all looking for some place to dive down to. Most of them are work related, which I really try to avoid giving any details about here on the blog, but there are also a few that are deeper, or dare I say, spiritual? I find myself pondering the Tao Te Ching a lot, usually just before bed. I particularly dig verse 56, which advocates guarding your senses and tempering your sharpness. It also contains the well known: Those who know do not talk; those who talk don't know. 

I guess if the kettle of my thoughts is slowly circling, it could be a positive thing and I can still afford to allow myself to be distracted as school is still not in session. Every now and then it seems like some of my birds let out a boisterous squeal, but I guess that is what bird do.

Ok then.

Little things

 A lot of little things have bottle-necked up and ebbed my flow. I am struggling to get a good work groove going, but maybe that is just normal for this time of year. I keep telling myself that it is still August (albeit the last day today), and that I should not fret so much until later in September.

Photo was taken probably 15 years ago, from a family trip to Kyoto. My son was just a little one then and I kind of remember that I woke up early to explore the area around the hotel with my trusty Nikon FM2. I stumbled upon this wonderful ceramic tile artwork which was on the wall of coffee shop. Instead of the scenes or landscapes that are so often sought, I really like to take close ups of signs. It would be grand to take a few weeks and just walk around some place and take photos of old signs and other little things.

The image reminds me of the days when I taught art school students at a local college. They were so much fun. My current teaching context at a big university is fine, and I have lots of really good students, but there was always something unpredictably wacky or funny in any given class at the college.  It was also nice to get invited to their exhibitions and parties. I miss that a little.

Ok then. Still early enough for me to rally and have a productive day. I bid you peace. By the way, once again I am getting loads of hits. Probably just a robot, but a gmail account that I occasionally check is way down at the bottom about the MH logo, in case you would like to get in touch.

Be still

 I have posted this image before, but in case you missed it, here is an improved scan of the negative. It is the back view of a temple in Teramachi. I dig how the Buddha is just being still in the snow. I am hoping for some of that inner peace today.

Ok then.

Fuzz

 The idea that life is a path is something that I have always held fast to be true. This blog's subtitle, the beginning of the end of the middle, refers to the mid-life crisis I was in when I started writing here. Just the idea of midlife implies that I am somehow half-way done my journey. A quick survey of my posts titles, and you will see lots of phrases like keep going, still out there, walking on, and flowing.

However, maybe life is not some path? Do we always need some pull of a destination? Do we have to always be going somewhere. Maybe it is the heat of this summer, which has made it very unpleasant to leave home for a stroll, but it has made me wonder if I do indeed need to be going anywhere? I mean this literally and figuratively. Not sure if traveling is all that fun anymore and with retirement in a few years or so, do I really need to go any further with trying to advance any professional interests. Will I ever be able to say, hey, I have arrived? And then, what the hell with I do with myself?

In the above photo, I like how the background fades out and is a bit foggy. It was a dark day and I am sure I had the depth of field set at 1.2 on the Nikkor 50mm lens that used to be be my main tool. What is behind and ahead is fuzzy, but the person isn't aware with the umbrella pulled down low. That is a bit how I feel today. Disconnected to the past and without a nice clear picture of what is coming. This not an entirely bad place to be, mind you.

Ok then.

Winter Sakura

Life is good. I am sleeping well and not worrying over silly things. Not much to report, just wanted to post this photo of the bridge between Kanazawa Castle and Kenrokuen Garden. The cherry trees in Winter have a nice contrast with the overcast sky.

Keeping it tidy

 Another Monday and I am just trying to tidy up the mess that my office is in. Not just the desk, with papers and books all over the place, but I have way too many files open and need to spray down the digital desktop as well.

Recently, I have been getting something out of the words of Wayne Dyer, which I stumbled upon from interest in Taoism. Not advocating anything religious, but I like his 5-minutes before bed meditation, which includes this (edited) passage:

I know that I am pure spirit, that I always have been and that I always will be. There is inside me a place of confidence and quietness and security where all things are known and understood, this is the universal mind, which I am apart and which responds to me as I ask of it. This universal mind knows the answer to all of my problems and even now the answers are speeding their way to me I needn’t struggle for them, I needn’t worry or strive for them, when the time comes the answers will be there.

The speeding my way bit is a good concept. Instead of worrying so much about how and when I will accomplish the junk on my to-do list, I am trying just to remember that I have, throughout my life, been able to take care of business (just like the TCB slogan of Elvis). There is no reason to doubt that good answers will come when I need them.

I also like the idea that answers will come in time. I few months back I felt bit twisted up about some things way far away in the future and probably wasted time creating numerous plans to deal with scenarios that never happened. Sure, having a contingency plan is always good, but spending too much energy on what-if's surely ain't no good.

Anyway, just trying to tidy up before the week really gets going. I bid you peace.

Collecting pebbles

 

Photo from cica 2008, Saigawa, Kanazawa

The 3-day weekend has come and gone. It was nice to leave work alone for a while and I was glad that I didn't even think about coming into the office to work on my own stuff. 

It was way too hot to do much of anything, but I did venture to the river (picture above) on Saturday morning. I have been slowly collecting rose-colored quartz that I find in the river to bring back for my garden. There is a spot that, when it rains heavily, gets a little run off spillage from the gutters. I am trying to get enough to cover a small area so it won't get washed away. The rose stones have a nice decorative effect, or at least looks better than just some gravel from the hardware store. I think it is technically illegal to take large amounts from the river, but I don't think anybody will care if I fill my pockets up with a few pebbles from time to time. 

Maybe a pebble collecting is a good metaphor for the mind set that has been working for me lately. I have been trying to just come in each day and leave with a feeling I got something done. For a while I think I was getting tired and feeling the heaviness of life, but am hoping that I can stay a bit more micro-focused on just having one good day at a time.

Ok then.

Good solid week

The photo is of Konishiki, circa 1995. Once a possible candidate for Yokozuna, by this time he had lost his Ozeki status. He was close to 600 pounds. Photo was at an official tournament in Tokyo. I was lucky to have seats very close to the front; tickets were a gift.

 

Friday morning and it is perhaps too early to declare that it is was a good week, but so far I have managed to stay on task and get decent work done while not worrying too much about things that I cannot control. Not exactly sure how to describe it, but it has just felt like a good solid week with not so much up/down swings. I found myself often looking up at the Tao Te Ching quote I have stuck on the wall just above my computer screen. Here is a nice paraphrase from a segment of verse 56 (my favorite):

One should maintain the sharpness of one’s thoughts internally, rather than externally against others. Focus on unraveling the complex knots of life by simplifying everything and minimizing disputes. Use the brightness of your mind to illuminate, rather than to blind others with your glare. Be involved with the world without becoming attached to it. 

Mid-week flow

 

It is mid-week and this semester I am lucky to have Wednesdays with no teaching duties. It is nice to slow down and take care of loose end in the morning, and they try to get serious about my own projects. At the moment, I am transcribing spoken text, which sometimes become a strange kind of escape. My recent method is to listen with headphones and that speak into a microphone to use the dictation function in Word. This seems to be more accurate that doing it directly plus it allows me to get close to the text and start to notice things that I can later write about.

I have been mostly listening to ceramic artist give live demonstrations, so when I am deep into transcription and repeating everything they say while watching their actions, it becomes almost like meditation and I get into the flow, as described by Csikszentmihalyi.

So, before I get "lost in transcription", just wanted to post the Italian cat that crossed my trail (I ain't superstitious). I have been thinking that it is time for me to dig deeper into the hundreds of rolls of 35mm film that comprise my morgue. I may post less words and more photos in  the next few weeks or so.

To trap life

 “I prowled the streets all day, feeling very strung-up and ready to pounce, determined to ‘trap’ life – to preserve life in the act of living. Above all, I craved to seize the whole essence, in the confines of one single photograph, of some situation that was in the process of unrolling itself before my eyes.”

---Henri Cartier-Bresson

Perhaps an inevitable side effect of trying, late in life, to step up my gait on the path to a stable and secure career, but I have stopped trying to prowl the streets, as Cartier-Bresson puts it. The photo above was from a visit to Paris in 2000. I stayed alone at the first cheap hotel I saw after getting off the train at the Northern Station. I was tired and just wanted to get a room. I remember being pleased with the price and the simple bed and sink  were all I needed. It was up on the 3rd or 4th floor and I had a great view of the action outside the station.

That night, a wonderful rain poured down on the city. I leaned out the window and took this image. Cartier-Bresson fans will certainly see the figure crossing the street and be reminded of one of the master's most celebrated works.

This was the last summer that I was single and after this I stopped getting lost in Europe each August to try to trap life.

Stuck in the middle

 Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right. Here I am.

Photo from circa 2008. Black and white 35mm film taken with an open shutter during the floating lantern event of the Hyakumongoku Festival. The guy in the middle was on patrol for lanterns that got stuck in the middle.

Not exactly sure if I would say stuck, but I feel slightly like somewhere in between the shores of life. I am doing well and getting work done, yet I am missing the feeling of flowing freely. 

Gazing out

 It is spring and the cherry blossoms are in full bloom and are starting to fall. This year they just seemed to have leaped out of nowhere and in a week they will be gone. Because of my hand, I have not been riding my bicycle to work, so I lack the daily connection to a few of my favorite trees. Speeding by in a car is not the same as watching them close up each morning from the bike.

The above photo is at least ten years back or so, taken from the Kenroku-en side looking over at the Kanazawa Castle. I was attracted to the single man gazing out into the sky and all the nice lines that work together. It feels like he is in the right place at the right time and is relaxed and taking it all in. He also is on top of all the stones that are so wonderfully stacked up in the wall.

Fuku wa uchi

February 3rd in Japan is Setsubun, which celebrates the last day of Winter in the old Japanese calendar. The phrase Oni wa soto, fuku wa uchi is associated with this day, meaning: Out with the demons! In with the goodness! The Japanese Oni (鬼) could be called a demon, ogre, troll, or something like that. The image above is a poor little oni laboring away with his miserable life. On Setsubun, while shouting the above phrase, it is tradition to throw beans to ward off the oni(s).

I try to avoid specific details about work here on my little corner of the internet, so forgive the vagueness, but this year's setsubun was one of my best ever. I finally have accomplished a three year goal and no longer feel like I am shouldering a massive weight. This is not to say that I am free from other burdens, as there are a whole bunch of other oni I deal with on a daily basis, in both personal and professional contexts. It is just that a particular loud and bothersome troll has walked away and will leave me be. 

Unfortunately, it is still very much winter here in the current Japanese calendar, but this coming spring may very well be when I can exit the midlife doldrums and embrace being old and wise (or at least pretend that I am...wise, that is). I got a fistful of official anti-oni beans now, ready to be flung if need be.

Ok then.

All that is left to do

 The only thing that is left to do is laugh.   --Zen saying

With many things finished and all tidied up, I can slowly start to see that I did, indeed, have a productive year. I did beat myself up a good bit over the past 12 months, but at the same time I landed some good blows to the familiar demons. Maybe, for 2022's last week or so, I can slow down and just coast a bit.

Changing the topic, my Holden Caulfield radar picked up a good example of phony baloney this morning in a person who was seriously humble-bragging about their work. It was a classic case of "Oh, enough talking about me, let's talk about you. What do you think of me?" One merit of getting old is that the urge to combat phonies just kind of goes away and you almost feel sorry for them. The older I get, the more I feel that good work stands on its own. There is no need to turn the tea cup over to see the signature stamp or to look at the small title card next to an oil painting before you take a good look at it. Talking out your ass about what you were trying to accomplish is meaningless if the work missed the goal.

Best not to take yourself too seriously. Maybe life is just a laugh, and I mean that in a good way.

Omicho 1992

This photo was noticed (and used for a publication cover) by a friend recently. When he asked me about it a bunch of memories sprouted up. I took it at Omicho Market, probably in 1992, which was my first year in Kanazawa. This was before the market was a tourist hive and was more focused on selling fish and produce. There were a few small shops then where you get a meal, but they were never crowded or had lines of folks waiting to get in. Anyway, these were some lanterns for a sashimi place. I remember they had nice domburi (bowl of rice with sashimi on top). I think I went here for dinner and on my way out noticed the lanterns.

Letting folks use photos is a pleasure. If there anybody out there thinks they might like to do something with any images on this blog, scroll way down to the bottom to find a gmail address that I only occasionally check. It is much nicer to have someone ask than to find them later.

Keep moving

 Trying just to keep moving today and not think too much about the big picture. Photo of the Saigawa Ohashi, the major bridge into Katamachi. It used to be on my nearly daily walking course, but I almost never get out that way these days. The black umbrella and the black clothes jump out rather nicely. If you look closely, you can see the snow starting to come down. The photos is from many years ago, but it will probably be just like this in a week or so when winter comes crashing in.

I bid you peace.

Just happens that way

 Photo from RioMaggiore, Italy, 2001

 

You don't decide you're hip. It just happens that way.  --Cannoball Adderley

When posting the photo above, I went looking for something to go with it and found the quote. With age, I am not sure if I still feel that I am as hip as I was years ago, or maybe I just don't care anymore. Not that I have changed that much, it the world that has moved on past me and I couldn't keep up.

Walking out of autumn

Next week will be December, the first month of winter. I have no idea where this autumn went as I was swamped with work and barely had time to even notice the falling leaves. I saw this wonderfully fire-colored tree on campus yesterday and realized that I missed most of the season simply because I was not paying attention. Maybe it is age, but recently when I wake up, I am, seriously, not even sure what day of the week it is, so the seasons just fly by.

I keep telling myself that things will slow down, but I am not yet secure enough to take the foot off the gas until I get to where I want to be. It does seem though, that I never actually get to where I think I am going. Not that I am going nowhere, mind you, it is just that when I do arrive at a goal, it is no longer where I think I need to be. I am trying to think less about what life will be and just focus on what it is, but I am either blessed or cursed (depending your perspective) with vision of what future will look like. Of course, I am most often wrong, but I am preoccupied just the same.

After seeing the unique film Stutz this week (on Netflix, I highly recommend it), I have been thinking about The Tools. The photo above reminds me of the Reversal of Desire tool in that the guy is walking out through the forest of his comfort zone and into a clearing.  I haven't yet dug into all the tools and the theory behind them,  but looks like it could be useful for a restless soul like me.

Anyway, not much else to pontificate on. Usually, that means that I am doing well. Long patches of not posting here is most often a sign that I am working on other ways to keep on keeping on.

Blues for myself

 Shirley Johnson, Chicago, circa 2000

It seems that a little patch of blues I ran into last week has just blown away and I am mostly back to normal. I was a bit mired in self-inflicted office woes, but getting out for an extra long walk on Sunday was really all I needed to drop the little bag of pity I was toting around. I am blessed with clarity, at least for now.

Photo from either 2000 or 2001 in Chicago, when I used to spend a few nights exposing 35mm black and white in the blues clubs before I moved on to home for the holidays. Coming from Japan the jet lag can be rough, which is why being in Chicago was perfect. Most clubs really don't get all that interesting until 11pm, so being on Japan-time, I could stay out all night.

The photo is a bit of experiment with the scanner. I have been using it mostly with negatives, but this one I tried with a print on the flatbed. I made the original sliver-gelatin print at the art college I worked.  My darkroom skills were hit and miss, but this was one of the nicer ones. The earnings and dress just come popping out of the dark club. The singer, Shirely Johnson, is apparently still out there, which is comforting knowing how tough it was for musicians during the pandemic.

Journeymen

Photo of the back entrance to my building at the university, in autumn of last year. 

School will be back in session from tomorrow. Bitter and sweet feelings, like always. I will have a full classload and spend a lot of time standing up and talking all day, but at the same time I will not be sitting in front of a computer all day. All in all I had a rather satisfying summer and stayed focused on what I set out to do, so I do not really mind getting back to teaching. Also, lunch always seems to taste much better after being in class all morning. I like that.

Changing the topic, the other day I saw a documentary about Steve Zouski, a boxer you have most likely never heard of. He was a long time "journeyman" who had a lifetime record of 31 wins and 18 loses, and faced a decent number of well known fighters such as George Foreman (during his comeback), Marvin Frazier, Tony Tubes, and has the distinction of being one of Mike Tyson's knockout victims. Especially at the end of his 30-year career, he was often called to fight on very short notice and just showed up, worked, got paid, and went home. 

I became interested in the term journeyman. Oxford dictionary offers a definition of: a worker or sports player who is reliable but not outstanding. Wiki states that the term "journeyman" was originally used in the medieval trade guilds Journeymen were paid daily and the word "journey" is derived from journée, meaning "whole day" in French.  Each individual guild generally recognised three ranks of workers: apprentices, journeymen, and masters. A journeyman, as a qualified tradesman could become a master and run their own business, but most continued working as employees.

So, guys like Zouski play an important role as they teach the up and coming how to handle the ropes. They are not burdened with trying to achieve master status, but they are still talented enough to do a lot of things. In some ways I feel this could be true about many fields. Journeymen show up and do the work and  have a good idea of where they fit into the system. Maybe letting go of the dream of the gold belt makes life easier.

The end of summer

September is now in its 4th day, so technically summer is over. It has been a strange one, both weather-wise and my own personal vibes. I got stuff done, but am starting to think that I should have also made an effort to have let actually taken some extended time off. I like this photo because the figure is small and headed uphill. That is kinda how my summer felt. 

I touched on it a while back, but I am starting to feel like I really am at the end of middle age. I only have about 8 years before I will be forced to retire. I have put so much time and effort into post-graduate degrees but I have very little idea what I will do when I have to stop working. Plus, I am also feeling little creaky in the bones. I try to get my walks in and still cycle to work a few times a week, but the spring in my step is a bit worn out. Maybe my wit has lost some sharpness as well. Could be the company I keep, or actually with corona, the lack of company. Just feels like there are only a handful of people who get my humor. Also, I am not cranky yet, but wouldn't be surprised if the grumpy old man in me comes out in the next few years.

Not sure where I am going with this post. Nowhere, I guess. But, just because I dig the photo, I will keep the rambling text this time.

Ok then.

Still out there, kind of

 

Not sure why, but I get lots of traffic from an old post called Still out there. In the post, I put up a scanned contact sheet of the image above. The negative space is kinda nice, but I am not sure what all the hits are for. Anyway, I came across the negative this morning and thought I would give it a proper scan. The contrast may need some work, but it is a step up for the original post.

I am still out there, kind of. That is to say that I do still sometimes go out for walks with the digiatl camera. The cost of 35mm black and white film, and the chemicals and paper to print, are just way too expensive. I am amazed sometimes at how much money and work I spent in the old days to make exposures. Also humbled by the 90% of images that were crappy. Back before digital, I was lucky to get maybe one out of a roll of 36 that I thought was worthy.

I am also still out there as far as looking for meaning in life. I have mentioned before that I usually post when I am trying to work something out and the long gaps with no posts usually means that I am busy and getting stuff done. Won't get into details, but it seems that I am just about at the end of a long project that has consumed most of my time. I am looking forward to a reset.

But, I am still indeed out there, and will probably pop in here more often in the next few weeks. So, ya'll come back now, ya hear.

 

 

The mind that is not baffled

 

“It may be that when we no longer know what to do we have come to our real work, and that when we no longer know which way to go we have come to our real journey. The mind that is not baffled is not employed. The impeded stream is the one that sings.”

– Wendell Berry  (via Swiss Miss)

If the above is true, than I guess I am due for an epiphany soon. 

Wind in my face

 Anger is a wind which blows out the lamp of the mind.  --R.G. Ingersoll

I always try to dodge it, but on occasion, some strange wind of irritation and anger at the world at large blows my way. It is hard to accurately describe, and I am not sure who or what I am angry with, it is just a feeling that something is unfair or I am being disrespected by some mysterious force. The hardest part is trying to assess if there is anything I can do about such feelings or if I should just keep riding full face into it until it passes. Not really a good description of the phenomenon, sorry.  Maybe it is just the tail end of winter and my work load. I am sure the winds will change soon, as they usually do.

Deep topography

Photo from just down the street. There was a wonderfully sudden dump of snow this evening.

Before bed last night I stumbled across an interesting video, The London Perambulator, a documentary about Nick Papadimitriou and the idea of deep topography. 

One quote from Nick that really connected with was when he was talking about visiting places that are out in the zone that is not really city but not the countryside. He says: 

I felt as if I'd claim something for myself that was away from the world that I felt had rejected me…it was really important for me to come to places like this. I felt as if I was gaining power over something that I felt as if I'd been roughly handled by something that was bigger and more powerful than me and by coming here I was aligning myself with something that was prior to and larger than the thing that had rejected me as if I'd found a more powerful ally in my struggle.

Anyway, maybe something to write more about later.

Ok then.

Triteness

I fully acknowledge the triteness of taking a photo of laundry being hung out to dry in Italy, especially in Venice where this was taken. It is not original in anyway, although I would like to think that I executed it fairly well. The row of black socks is nice and the figure gives the narrowness of the alley some scale, so maybe I shouldn't be too harsh on myself.

Forgive the lack of originality and just think of the space. It is a decent metaphor for where I am at these days. The path is getting narrow and I can see the end of some phase in my life. The subtitle of this blog (Beginning to accept the end of the middle of life) hints at the midlife ups and downs that I have gone through, but that theme is getting trite as well. As in the photo, I am getting close to a T in the path and want to make a turn to something new, even if it is just a fresh take on themes I blog about. It is also time to get back out and make new images. Been wallowing around in the B&W negative morgue a bit too much. 

I have no memory of what this little alley in Venice leads to, but judging from the light, it looks a bit brighter for the next turn. Like the photo, I will try not to be too harsh on myself if the next street look much like the current one. As long as I keep walking, I should be alright.

Ok then.