View from my office window about a month or so back when the autumn leaves were nice and red. Now they are all gone. The recent weather has been downright miserable. Cold, wet, and dark.
Recently, I often feel something akin to a gathering storm. I am not sure why or if it is of a personal or worldwide (or both) nature, but it feel like something bad is coming. I am reminded of a quote from the movie Raising Arizona, when the main character voices over this monologue while Tex Cobb rides through the dessert throwing hand grenades:
That night I had a dream I drifted off
thinking about happiness, birth, and new life but now I was haunted by a vision. He was horrible a lone biker the apocalypse. A man with all the powers of Hell at his command he could turn the day the night and laid to waste to everything in his path...I didn't know where he came from, nor did I know if he was dream or vision but I feared that I myself had unleashed him for he was the fury that would be.The part that rings true is wondering about if I unleashed some foredooming crappy karma. Again, just a feeling, and it is not nearly as dramatic as the warthog from hell image in the movie, but something is there even though it is hard to articulate.
Who knows though, it could very well be the effects of the pandemic. I have also gone through a good deal this year and maybe am guilty of suppressing a lot of stuff that is now bubbling up after a long low heat simmer. It could also be struggling with work and trying to write papers. Another movie image to illustrate my feelings is the great scene from The Shining. Sure, there are loads of really scary scenes, but for me the one that really is horrific is when the wife finally reads the stack of typed pages of All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
Anyway, like usual, I have nothing to really conclude. I am just writing to try to understand myself, but my current rhythm is just not ready to get into a groove to make any sense to any of you readers. That is if anybody actually reads this.
Ok then.